By Loraine Balita-Centeno
You’ve probably met one, struck up a conversation with one, or walked away from one (while she was still talking). While we’d like to believe that all moms are nice, loving, and understanding, reality check—some moms take the mommy business a tad bit overboard. When they start believing that their child rearing is the best and only acceptable way to raise a human being and that their child is the center of the universe they could become overbearing, especially toward other moms. And motherhood is hard enough, what with all the expectations and responsibilities, more so when you have a mommy dragon breathing down your neck, waiting for you to make a mistake, judging your childrearing methods, and comparing your child to her perfect creation.
Here are just five of the most common types of Mommy Nazis you’ll meet. Recognize any of them?
Usual Dialogue: “You know you’re so brave! Me, I can’t leave my child alone with a stranger iba pa din kasi ang alaga ng nanay. That’s why I gave up my career to focus on my child.”
Thought Bubble: “Ikaw na!”
The guilt is real when you’re a working mom. And the focuzilla will never fail to remind you of your shortcomings and how much time you don’t get to spend with your children. They will brag about their decision to walk away from what could’ve been a fruitful career to focus on their precious kids. They will make you feel irresponsible for leaving your child with the yaya or for missing so many PTA meetings. Sometimes they will talk about how selfish working moms could be for choosing to have a job instead of sacrificing everything for the family. No, you are not allowed to shop for nice clothes or color your hair. You’re not allowed to have frequent salon trips anymore because that’s time away from the children! She’d sometimes go: “She has time to color her hair but she didn’t have time to go to her kid’s field trip.”
Usual Dialogue: “So what do you do all day? Don’t you get bored?”
Thought Bubble: “Have you tried being home with the kids without househelp? Try it, then ask me that again!”
Working divas are masters of multi-tasking. They will brag about the amazing ways they are able to juggle work with home life and make you feel bad for “letting go of yourself” or for “not having a life of your own.” Usually highly accomplished or earning-a-lot moms can, hence, afford an army of househelp. They will make other moms feel like they are unproductive, lazy, or wasting time all day.
They are usually the ones who will brag about their achievements (or designer bags) and snicker at the sight of a non-working mom in plain clothes. She’s basically the Regina George of the PTA.
Usual Dialogue: “Why isn’t your child talking yet? Isn’t he two already?” or “Shouldn’t she be walking at this age?” or “You’re still breastfeeding? Wala nang sustansya yan!”
Thought Bubble: “Time first lang ah!”
The Timer mom is like a swimming coach with a tick-tock timer forcing you to the finish line at the shortest possible time. She knows the list of milestones children have to reach by a certain age at the back of her hand. She won’t forget to remind you if your child’s missing any. They tend to make other moms believe that there’s something wrong with their babies and that their little ones are not developing properly. They’re also the ones who believe that children become too old to breastfeed at one year old. It’s like they’re always in a rush to see your children finish college!
The Healthy Judgy Mcjudgy
Usual Dialogue: “Are you seriously feeding your child that?”
Thought Bubble: “Yes! He eats dirt and sometimes his booger, too! And insects, yes, insects!”
We are seeing the rise of the healthy judgy mcjudgy moms who won’t ever let their children come near a plate of greasy fries. They only buy organic, whole grain, fat-free, sugar-free, lactose-free, food stuff made from anything without a face. They cannot believe other moms’ food choices and won’t hesitate to lecture you on how much chemicals there are in a cup of jello.
They would often judge other moms who let their child binge on chocolates every once in a while as if it’s so unforgivable and you are being unbelievably irresponsible. They will look at you, your child’s donut, and then back up at you with disgust.
The worst kind is the healthy J0udgy Mcjudgy mom who’s also deathly afraid of germs. They lug around a huge bag with alcohol, hand sanitizer, and a disinfectant they will spray on you and your child who’s eating a bag of chips that fell on the floor two seconds ago.
Usual Dialogue: “My daughter is a dancer, a singer, an artist, a writer, she’s also the number one in her class!;” “You know [insert growth factor vitamin] mo yan so he’ll be tall like my boy.”
Thought Bubble: “Panalo ka na!”
Everything is a competition for this mom. And she likes winning. For her, her child is the best, the prettiest, the smartest, and the center of the universe. Everyone at school or in the playground is competition, a potential threat to her child’s position at the top. If she sees you buy your child a bike, she’ll get him a mini motorcycle. She goes around bragging about her child’s achievements and comparing her child to everyone else who to her is inferior and never as good as her children. She will listen a little bit but only so she can compare your child to hers. She will often lecture you on how to make your child as good as hers and start most conversations with “ay my son is [insert an entire lecture on why her child, her child’s tutor, her child’s school, her child’s choices are better].”
Motherhood is tough enough. No need to make it tougher by being at each other’s throats, judging how others are doing things, and criticizing other mothers’ choices. If you recognize any of these Nazi moms, congratulations, that means you’re not one of them. Best approach is to walk away when they get too irritating or avoid contact if you can.
But if you think you recognize these traits in you. It’s time to think about how you’re making other moms feel. Bottom line is we are all doing the best we can for our children. You don’t have an idea about what other moms are going through—that working mom could be helping to make ends meet, or that full-time mom is up at 3 a.m. to prepare her kids’ baon.